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Topic
Jen posted
about 2 years ago
How has the death of a loved one changed your life in a more positive light?
Sometimes its easy to focus on the negatives associated with death. Whether its the death of your parent/sibling or friend from cancer. Each death impacts our lives differently. What are some positives that might come from losing a loved one? A change in an area of university study? More drive to live each day like its your last? To find something you are passionate about? Changes in what you want in life? Where your going? Who you want to be? How has the death of this person impacted and changed your life and your values? Although they are hard to see at first these positives are all around us.
So how has the death of a loved one changed your life in a more positive light?
8 Comments in this Topic
Jaz said
about 2 years ago
This is a huge topic Jen. I guess it depends on where you are in your grief journey as to whether you can see any changes in your life for the better.
When I lost someone special to me, I had a strange experience at the funeral where I was reminded of the high regard they had held me in. I knew that they saw me as someone special and talented, and was sad that I didn't see myself like that, and that I hadn't lived up to their hopes and expectations for me. It has made me want to re-engage with my long lost passion and use the talents that I have been neglecting lately.-
Jen said
about 2 years ago
I know its a huge (and kind of hard) topic that’s why I posted it...I really want people thing think about it. I mean be tend to focus on the negative so much sometimes.
Your correct-Where you are in your grief journey is a definite factor in this question... I think its more of a 'few years' have past since a loved one has died type of question. When you hit that time where your reflecting on the past in a more positive outlook and thinking about how your life has changed and your future a lot more.By re-engaging in your talents you are doing just thing though-you are reflecting on the loved one that you have lost-remembering the good (the high regard she had for your talents) and you are re-connecting with them because of this. This is a great reason to re-engage jaz J Good work!
My mum was a potter (lol I know what your thinking but no...she did ceramics) and she was amazingly talented. I grew up around clay, sculpture and painting ceramics. My mum did this all of my life. Its hard because everyone always use to say about how talented and creative I was and how I must have got that from my mum. I feel really connected to her when I think about clay and pottery. I have the biggest urge to buy a bag of clay and sculpt something, to just get my hands in the clay and play. My dad still has my mums kiln (the oven that fires ceramics) and her pottery throwing wheel... So I know I will get around to it one of these days! I guess it comes back to being compared to her though and wanting to be as good as she was.
stephano711 said
about 2 years ago
Without my cancer experience I dont think i would be as strong or confident as I am now, before my mum was diagnosed I was only worried about what other people thought about me and if they liked me, when really i should have been making sure I liked me. In the end I have grown well above my years and have many close, strong friends through CanTeen. The bond between my CanTeen friends and I is much stronger than any of my other friends. I believe there is a kind of unspoken bond when you experience something as life changing as Cancer. For these reasons I believe it has had a positive effect. I miss my mum every day and i'll never forget her. Ultimately if I could chose of course i would have my mum back in a split second but its good to be able to see the silver lining.This is a great topic! As a patient I think Cancer has changed my life positively. I appreciate life so much more and I no longer wish to just plod along in life doing whatever. I want to get out and have fun everyday, I want to try everything and I also have motivation to help people, whether they are dealing with cancer or any kind of battle in their life.
I am also motivated to follow my dreams and not be afraid to do what it takes. To begin with I have returned home and to university. I agree that none of us want to have cancer in our life but if we can turn it around and make it a positive thing then that is great!
reroxurworld said
over 1 year ago
hey guys, my mum has terminal cancer any advice that will prepare me with any emotions you may have felt that you would like to share with me?- I'm really sorry to hear that. I am going through the same thing at the moment. It is a hard journey that no-one should have to go through.
As for emotions I think the best way to describe it is a roller-coaster. Sometimes you will feel fine, other times you will be angry at the world and at others you will be sad.
Don't be worried if you are a bit all over the place. I find that sometimes I get really angry at someone or something that is really unimportant. It took me a long time to realise that I was actually angry at the cancer not at whatever I thought I was angry at.
I think the important thing is to let yourself feel these emotions. It is alright to get emotional and teary and it is alright to get angry. It is important to understand that your mum will be feeling all of these things as well. It is normal for her to be really positive at sometimes and really pessimistic at others. Don't let the times that she is negative distress you too much she will be experiencing a roller-coaster of emotions as well.
As for advice, I think the best advice I can give you is to find someone that you can talk to about everything that is going on. I think it also helps if that person isn't one of the family because then you can be more honest without feeling like you are hurting or distressing them. I'm not saying not to talk to family, they are the most important people to talk to but I have found that talking to my friends really helps as well because they aren't dealing with the grief themselves.
Sorry, I've ended up writing a bit of a novel.
All I can really say is keep strong and feel free to ask any questions you have. The people on here are really nice and helpful.
Stezza -
stephano711 said
over 1 year ago
Hi Re,
When my mum was told she was terminal we kind of just ignored it. Instead of freaking out we just decided to spend more time on the positives, like hanging out more and having meaningful conversations. I was 16 when my mum died and the biggest regret that I have is not knowing enough about her.
There are a lot of things that go through your head at a time like this. Wats going to happen etc. most of the emotions you wont have felt before. It's a good idea to maybe talk to a councellor or a phychologist. I know like stezza said it is much easier to talk to someone outside of your family so you dont need to fell like you have to hold back to protect them.
Sometimes unless a friend has been through the same thing its hard for them to understand how you're feeling and why your mood changes so suddenly.
The best advice I can give you is to talk to your mum about everything from what her favorite colour is, to what she used to do when she was little.
If you want more support from people that have experienced the situation, you could always look at CanTeen. I joined when I was 13 and am still a member now at 21. The people that I met have helped me through everything and they kind of get how youre feeling without you having to even say anything.
I hope I have helped in some way. Just let me know if you want to chat :)
Steph -
reroxurworld said
over 1 year ago
thanks, you guys have helped me through a lot and what you have said as i have come to find out for myself is all true but im on top of everything and feeling better then ever and so is my mum :)
