Forums
The day-to-day stuff
Latest announcements
To participate in the forums you need to log in. Not a member? Join Now What to access the forums and great member features.
The forums are also where you can get involved and have a say in the direction of Now What.
Topic
My mum has just been diagnosed with an inoperable tumour of the bile duct and is going through radiation and chemotherapy. She and the rest of my family are in Brisbane but I'm currently studying in rural Victoria. I've been going up there every few weeks but I can only take so much time off uni and mum is adamant that I finish the year. I'm really struggling with being so far away and unable to help and be there for her and for the family. I'm the eldest of four kids and my siblings really need me at the moment.
I also feel really alone when I'm down here coz all my mates are in Melbourne and while everyone from my course has been lovely I don't have any really close friends here.
Also does anyone have any tips for concentration coz I'm quickly approaching my major exams for my medical degree and I can't concentrate? I'm fine in class but when I get home and try and study I can't.
3 Comments in this Topic
- Hi, It sounds like it's really hard to be away, it must suck! I wasn't physically away from my Mum while she was sick but I can imagine the extra stress it puts on you.I think it's really great that your going back home as much as you can (it can be really hard while studying!) and that you should try and see your best friends in Melbourne as well. It was better for me to have my best friends around me who understood a little bit better then just the people I went to school/uni with. Seeing these friends might help with the loneliness while at uniAs for the studying thing. I can't study at home either. I try and go to the Library to study or even a coffee shop. If you can stay back for an hour or two at the uni after your classes that even helps. I think for me I have to break my study time up and just focus on the next 40 minutes at hand otherwise I get too overwhelmed There is also another forum post in "the day-to-day stuff" called Study Tips - you should take a look at that.Good luck with your exams!
Jen said
over 1 year ago
Hi Steph,
I’m sure studying far away from your Mum and Family would be super tough-But it seems like you have a few ways of staying in the loop with her treatment etc.. I think that regular visits would really help-but by the sounds of if your starting to reach burn out mode! Uni, Life and Cancer just all seem to much-No wonder your having a hard time trying to concentrate!
My story was a bit different-I was in my first and second year of uni when my mum had all her operations/chemo/radiation (which stretched from John Flynn Hospital at Coolangatta, to the Gold Coast Hospital and then to The Wesley In Brisbane) I really threw myself into my study-I think more so as a distraction and coping mechanism. Although I was not in another state and still living at home-I did spend a lot of time at Uni getting away from it all. I was really struggling with the emotional side of things-with all the grief! This is when I learnt a pretty valuable lesson in my journey-To really ask for help.
Massive Tip: Don’t be afraid to ask for help! Let your lecturers know (if you haven’t already) that your Mum has been diagnosed with an inoperable tumour on her bile duct (again you only have to tell them as much as you want-but I would mention that’s its cancer) I’m sure your Lectures and Tutors would be more than happy to help you out-where that’s assignment extensions and exam extensions. I know at my Uni the application form was ‘For Special Consideration’ I’m sure your Uni would have a form similar....Again your Lecturers would be able to help with this!
My Head of Department actually dragged me down to our Student Services building and helped me fill them out and came with me to make an appointment at the University Councillor. My mum died during the middle of semester. All my lecturers approached me and talked to me about how I was going to finish the semester-I didn’t want to fall behind but I was in such a mess. So while everyone else was having a great 4 months off uni over Christmas etc.. I was grieving for my mother and slowly working through my assignments. Interesting combo-But it was the best outcome and I’m very thankful for my teachers approaching me and giving me that option and total extended time length!
I guess that little story also brought up the idea of ‘The Councillor’ or seeking help in other forms. I think I have seen about 5 Councillors/Psychologists since my mums diagnosis and death...All for different reasons and you really need to try before you buy-some are TERRIBLE! But others are amazing/life changing! While my mum was being treated I found it SO useful to go see my Uni Councillor (it was also very cost effective-didn’t cost anything because it was at uni) I would use our one hour sessions to just VENT it all out! Are you seeing anyone at the moment? Or have you considered this idea to help cope a bit better? By talking about it with someone-might help you concentrate more with the studies to!
Other tips:
1. Relaxation-Yes people say it all the time-but who actually does it? I use to put on relaxing rainforest sounds before I went to sleep. Then while laying there you picture your body sinking into the ground-starting with your toes and working up...
2. Make a timetable-table in study time, relaxation time, ‘breaks’, snacks (yum!) and any other important things...
3. ME TIME! Me Time is SO Important (I know study is to!) But its really important to take out some ‘Me Time’ and do something for yourself-whether its read a magazine, paint your nails, read a book etc..
4. Reward Yourself when you achieve things!
5. Make lists-Tick/Cross/Scribble them out when done!
6. It might even help your concentrate if you check in with your mum/family-have that re-assurance of how she/they are and then get on with study? That might help ease your mid slightly?
7. And of course-EXERCISE
Hope you find some parts of this essay (woops!) helpful!
Are you planning on heading back to Brisbane for the holidays?
- Jen :)
- Thanks so much for getting back to me. It is really reassuring to hear from people who have been through similar things.
My uni has been really good and through special consideration has allowed me to take alot of time off, however due to the format of the course delayed exams aren't really an option. But this isn't an issue as I would rather get them over and done with so I can head home for the holidays. They have also been great in letting me do 3 of my 7 rotations next year in Brisbane so I can be home with family.
I have thought about seeing a councillor but it is difficult due to the area I'm living in. There is currently at least a 3 week wait for a psychologist appointment and that is if you are clinically depressed or psychotic. They don't really have the resources to council people without psychiatric issues. I may go down and see one of councillors at the uni, but the closest campus with student services is 150km away. I think I'm going ok at the moment. It seems to run in stages. Some days I feel fine and other days I'm not so good. I think I will see how I go, but I will definitely go see someone if it gets bad. I'm in a positive mood at the moment because I just got some good news. Preliminary tests show that mum seems to be responding to the radiation.
Thanks heaps for all the study tips. I will endeavor to try them.
Thanks again for getting back to me. I really appreciate it.
Steph
