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Topic
ihatesoup posted
almost 2 years ago
What does grief feel like for you?
“It is that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that you go to sleep with and wake up with.
It is the tears rolling down your face as you wash the dishes, walk down the street or sip a cappuccino.
It is not being able to say what you want to say.
It is wishing that you were somewhere else; never being comfortable anywhere.
It is clutching and grasping at memories.
It is violent mood swings – kicking in the kitchen cupboard with all your strength and then weeping uncontrollably curled up on the floor.
It is screaming and wailing into your cornflakes.
It is long walks to nowhere in particular.
It is endless cups of tea and visitors.
It is going to the driving range and belting 200 golf balls.
It is scatteredness, the inability to concentrate and the need to do something all the time – or vice versa.
It is not remembering who you’ve seen lately.
It is hysterical laughter at inappropriate times.
It is obsession with cleanliness or cake baking.
It is overwhelming.
It is all-consuming.
It is a tidal wave breaking over you.
It is never-ending.
It is everything.
It is impossible.”
Elizabeth Vercoe - The Grief Book
7 Comments in this Topic
Jen said
almost 2 years ago
It’s all of the above. All of those feelings come and go and come up again at different times and stages of grieving. The negatives tend to fade away and the positives seem to shine eventually as the years go by. It seems pretty blurry but the fog starts to fade eventually...
Oh and The Grief Book is a-m-a-z-i-n-g a MUST read for anyone dealing with grief!
Jaz said
almost 2 years ago
Agreed - The Grief Book is fantastic! Wish I'd discovered it years ago.
For me it's the passage by Terry Kettering about the elephant in the living room. I think it's also in The Grief Book.
"There's an elephant in the room,
It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it.
Yet we squeeze by with 'How are you' and 'I'm fine'.
And a thousand other forms
Of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather.
We talk about work.
We talk about everything else -
except the elephant in the room."
-
Jen said
almost 2 years ago
Love the Elephant passage! Its way to true-trivial chat-work, weather, everything but not the elephant or aka cancer.
Anyone who hasnt read the Grief Book should! Its brilliant! 
stephano711 said
almost 2 years ago
Hmmmm I haven't read the grief book.... maybe i'll have to find it.
My Greif has been pushed aside for the last few years because there was always something 'more important' to do or something that was 'more urgent'. I have been to worried about my family and making sure they're ok and i've just come to the realisation that it's been taking a toll on me.
At the moment I'm looking into ways of expressing it and finally confronting it and i think this book may be a good start. Thanks guys.-
Jaz said
almost 2 years ago
Well done, stephano. It sounds like you are actively adressing your grief. It is hard when you are trying to look after your loved ones and don't take the time or energy to deal with your own grief.
I think The Grief Book would be a great place to start! I noticed on the blog that there is a new Now What coming out soon that addresses bereavement so no doubt that will be useful too! 
ShoeGirl said
almost 2 years ago
I have always loved the poem that was in 4 weddings & a funeral - Stop All the Clocks -
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever; I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one:
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods:
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
-
stephano711 said
almost 2 years ago
I love that poem! i couldnt remember where it was from!
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