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NWcontent posted
about 1 month ago
To tell or not to tell?
A lot of people take ages to tell their friends and bf/gf's about having cancer. Maybe they just don't want to talk about it, or they're rightfully scared that the person will FREAK OUT and react in the completely wrong way.
"I can still hear the tone of his voice and how he trailed off quietly at the end as he said: I don't think I can see you without any hair"
Should you tell them? How soon? What's the best and worse reactions people have had when you told them?
"I can still hear the tone of his voice and how he trailed off quietly at the end as he said: I don't think I can see you without any hair"
Should you tell them? How soon? What's the best and worse reactions people have had when you told them?
5 Replies to this Topic
BiancaQLD said
about 1 month ago
Through my experience, I couldn't possibly imagine a person you're in a serious relationship with being anything but supportive. The question of when/ or how you would tell you're partner that you have been diagnosed didn't arise in my situation.
At the time I became sick, I was very close with someone and they were one of the few who had known I had been feeling unwell, coughing and struggling to breathe over the past few weeks; they were the person who encouraged me to see a doctor, who drove to the get my blood tests and came in with me for my first ever cat scan, and they were the one person with whom I asked to come back to the doctors office when I was asked to return to hear the results of the tests and to bring along someone with whom would comfort me.
If anything, I think it is almost solely on the partners shoulders to deal with the load of informing everyone else and being the bearer of the bad news when we're too sick to make the phone calls, and can't get our head quite around saying the word 'cancer' just yet.
Looking back, I can see and appreciate the burden placed on our partners when we're diagnosed as young adults. They're forced to grow up almost as quickly as we the patient are, and yet they're not always given the liberty to whinge and complain and say 'why me', as we are. Regardless of where our future relationships take us, I will always be grateful and have that special bond that I won't share with anyone else, and that others will no doubt struggle to understand.
Bondy said
about 1 month ago
you will always have another 'special Bond' in your life B-
BiancaQLD said
about 1 month ago
Haha, classic. Thanks for the laughs Bondy! -
NWcontent said
9 days ago
Quote: They're forced to grow up almost as quickly as we the patient are, and yet they're not always given the liberty to whinge and complain and say 'why me', as we are.
So true. There's a blog called My Boyfriend has Cancer and the girl who writes it says things make you totally sympathise with how hard it is for her (eg."Part of me just wants to run away....I didn't sign up for this and it feels overwhelming, Another part is filled with compassion and wants to help.) but then she also does things that are so hard to agree with, like sleeping with another (married) guy.
Maybe she needs the other guy to support her so that she can support her boyfriend who is sick. 
stephano711 said
1 day ago
On another angle just to contribute... As a person who has lost a family member to cancer, I find it really hard to figure out the right time to tell prospective partners that my mum died from cancer.
You either think that people will freak cause you have 'baggage' or they just don't really want to deal with it. Even though I know I dont have baggage and it doesnt impact on my daily life.
Has anyone else had this problem?
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