These special events can be really difficult after someone has died.

Although the way they are celebrated may be changed forever, they can become special occasions to remember your parent in a positive way and keep including them in your life.

Planning ahead

Getting through these tough times can be made a little easier if you can talk about it and plan ahead. Each of your family members may have a different idea on how and what to do to mark these events.

As with lots of other issues to do with your grief, balancing the needs of everyone can be really tricky. And there may be times when you just can’t be bothered and/or get angry.

Things to think about:

• Will you do the same things that you have always done?
• If not – what will you do differently?

You can use a ritual to mark the day or you can develop something that is more related to the event you are marking. As with everything else, there is no right or wrong way to do things.

Family and others

Sometimes the older people in your life will not think to include you in any discussions about things like birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries or holidays.

Again, open and honest communication is the key. If you feel like you can’t talk to your parent then maybe find someone you trust to discuss what you want to happen around these events.

Don’t expect too much of yourself or other members of your family and also don’t feel like you ‘should’ do or feel anything.

Brace yourself

It is important to recognise that it will be hard and that you may need to take special care of yourself.

Often the first one of these events is the hardest – because you can’t imagine what it will be like and you may be really scared about how hard it will be.

That’s not to say that the others won’t also be hard and painful, but by that time you may have developed some ways to get through them.

The lead up to the day can be worse than the actual day.

A word about friends

You may have already learned that life for your friends continues on as normal and that they forget that you are grieving. Don’t expect them to remember days that have special importance for you. If you need some support during these times, you may have to ask.