Grief vs depression

When you are grieving, it is normal for everyday things to seem hard and for you to have lots of strong, mixed emotions. It is also okay if those feelings continue over a long period of time.

That’s why grief and depression sometimes get confused.
 
Most young people who experience the death of a parent, brother or sister do not develop depression. Depression is about being empty of feelings, but grief is about being full of feelings.

Help! Am I going mad?

However, sometimes things can seem out of control and it all feels like too much. You may take drugs (both legal and illegal), drink and smoke to deal with it. Be aware that these things that can cause your healthy grief to tip over into depression.

If you are worried about how you are feeling and that things aren’t starting to get any better then you may need to talk to someone and get some help.

The good news

You might be relieved to know that most young people do survive the trauma of having a family member die and go on to find enjoyment in their lives.

That might be hard to believe right now but hanging onto that thought might just give you something to be hopeful about.

Complicated grief

Hopefully you will have gotten the message by now that grief is a normal, healthy response to death. However there are certain circumstances that can lead to unhealthy or complicated grief.

Certain factors in your life can lead to your grief getting stuck, resulting in you not being able to learn to live with it. Things such as:

• Previous mental illness.
• Personality disorder.
• Family dynamics.
• Other stressors such as exams, financial worries, friendship problems, physical health problems, previous losses, trauma, abuse or neglect.
• Drug or alcohol use.

What does complicated grief look like?

It is not uncommon for you to experience all of the symptoms listed, but when they are hanging around for a long time, are fairly constant and they don’t seem to be getting any better then you could be heading towards complicated grief.

Some of the symptoms include:

• Really intense feelings of missing or longing for the person that occur daily and mess with your ability to think about anything else. (They also continue for a long time.) These experiences are common, but in healthy grief, most people can be distracted for short periods by certain people and activities.
• Trouble accepting the fact that the person is actually dead. Most people never fully accept the finality of death – they just know that it has happened and they don’t like it.
• Strong feelings of bitterness or anger that could cause harm to your health or the wellbeing of others.
• Feeling numb inside or withdrawn from other members of your family or from friends for long periods of time.
• A feeling that life just isn’t worth it and that nothing has any meaning or purpose.
• A belief that the future holds nothing good for you and that you will never be able to enjoy things again. This feeling is constant and lasts a long time.

If you have these symptoms and they are affecting you at school, work and in most other areas of your life then it may be that you need some professional help.

Try not to panic – there is help out there for you.