As hard as it may be, try to remember that they are not deliberately trying to be insensitive or say things that are stupid. It’s just that death makes most people really uncomfortable. Because they don't have the right words to express themselves, they feel the need to fill the space with these sorts of unhelpful comments.

Here is a selection of the most common ones. If you feel brave you can actually use the responses (or put them into your own words) or they might just give you a bit of a laugh.

They are in a better place now. They don't have to suffer anymore.

Really – better than being alive and well and here with me? And yes I know that they aren’t in pain anymore but I am. And I would give anything to have them here with me, not anywhere else, better place or not!

This assumes that I believe in some sort of after-life – well maybe I don’t!

If you look around, there's always someone worse off.

Thanks for that but right now all I can focus on is the fact that I have just had one of the most important people in my life die and I don’t really have the energy to think about anyone else.

Keep your chin up.

Why, because that makes it easier for you? Actually all I really want to do is scream, cry, yell, run away, punch something or someone and I’m sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable.

You're only given as much as you can handle.

Who made that one up? Who decides that and who gives it out? Maybe I would have liked a choice in the things I get to handle?

It's God's will, or, God only takes the special ones.

Firstly don’t assume that I believe in God. Secondly that doesn’t make it any easier. And finally, why wasn’t it God’s will to let them live?

If being special means dying young then I hope I’m really not special.

Well at least you had them for (insert appropriate number) years.

And that’s supposed to make me feel better how? And if I live until I’m 85 that will mean that I have missed out on having them for…. (insert appropriate number) years.

I know just how you feel.

No, you don't. No one else can know how this feels for me. Everyone's feelings are unique to them. I can’t begin to tell you how much it pisses me off when you say that.

Now you have to be the man/woman of the house.

Do I? I’m not so sure that I want to be. I was quite happy when my mum or dad was, thank you. Have you forgotten that I am still a young person?