A doctor will make a judgement about the likely outcome of a disease (called a “prognosis”) based on their knowledge and experience with patients who have had a similar condition. But cancer is different for every person and there is no way to know for sure exactly how quickly it will progress.

Being unsure about what will happen in the future can scare the pants off even the toughest and bravest of the tough and brave. You might think, “How am I supposed to deal with this when I don’t even know what I’m up against?”

What are you frightened about?

There might be so many worries tumbling around in your mind that they have joined together into a big, confusing clump.

It can help to try and put your finger on exactly what it is you are worried about. When thoughts and feelings have a name, it can be easier to know how to deal with them.

Here’s an idea: Write a list of all the questions that are too frightening to ask, your deepest darkest wonders. These were our questions…

• What am I supposed to be saying or doing?
• Should I talk about what’s happening or is it better to ‘stay positive’?
• Am I going crazy?
• Will I get cancer?
• How long does my sibling have to live?
• What will my family be like without them?
• Do my parents love my brother/sister more than me?
• When will my life go back to normal?
• Will I ever feel happy again?

These fears and questions are perfectly normal. Try to remind yourself not to avoid them or pretend they are not important. These kinds of thoughts are an unfortunate side effect of being human.

But we know that wondering and worrying can be exhausting. One step at a time, you will move forward through this rough bit.

Here’s the plan:

1. Give yourself permission to be freaked out. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed of anything you are feeling.  
2. Have courage, speak up and ask questions. You have a right to have as much information about your sibling’s cancer as you need.
3. Accept that there are some things about this situation that you can’t control. Worrying won’t change what will happen, but it might get in the way of making the most of the time you have with your sibling.
4. Find someone you can talk to about what you’re worried about.