There can be many expectations placed on you after the death of your brother or sister. Unrealistic expectations – yours and everyone else’s – can be really hard to deal with.

Your wants and needs are still very important.

Expectations: yours and everyone else's

There seems to be this belief that if you can survive this then you can tackle anything else that gets thrown at you for the rest of your life. This is not always the case.

While it is true that you may find strength that you never knew you had and learn things about yourself that you didn’t know, having unrealistic expectations placed on you by yourself, or others, can be really hard to deal with.

Expectations about your future

Lots of parents place expectations on their children. You may feel pressured to:

• achieve amazing results at school
• study a certain course at uni (maybe the one they wanted to do)
• go into a particular job area

because that’s what you think your brother or sister wanted to do.

It can be really hard getting people to understand that maybe you don’t want to do what they think you should. You might even feel like you can’t discuss these things now that your brother or sister has died.

Trying to make sense of the future without the person you love in it can take time.

Remember: Your needs and wants and dreams are still important.