Bottling up your feelings doesn’t make them go away. In fact, they will probably grow stronger and last longer. They might burst out in unsafe ways, or turn inside and leave you feeling drained and unwell.

Letting it out

There are heaps of things you can try that can get out some of your feelings and help you feel more relaxed and in control. The fancy term for these things is “coping strategies”. Different things work for different people. If you haven’t yet found the thing that helps you feel better, keep trying: you will.

Things that might help  

• Tell your story to someone you can trust.
• Write stuff down. Write a journal, a blog, letters, songs or poems.  
• Take a break. Go out with your friends, laugh and forget about things for a while.  
• Exercise. Make a playlist for your iPod and go for a walk or a run. Go and kick a footy. Exercise can release ‘feel good’ hormones in your body.  
• Distract yourself. Watch a movie, do a crossword, knit.  
• Get arty. No one’s expecting a masterpiece. Build something, knit a scarf, draw the cat.  
• If you’re religious, pray.
• Punch a pillow or chuck a tanty on your bed. Release that negative energy.
• Find a special place. Go fishing, ride your bike, browse the shops, stare at clouds.
• Meditate. Breathe in, breathe out. Try to focus only on your breath for about 15 minutes.  
• Write To-Do lists, set goals. It can help to have things to look forward to. You don’t have to dream up where you’ll be when you’re 65, but just think about something you’d like to achieve by the end of the month or year. Ever wanted to learn pottery? Salsa dancing?

Things that might hurt

Cancer is majorly stressful and it’s normal for things to get on top of you sometimes. But there are helpful and less helpful ways of releasing that steam.  

Behaving badly or doing risky things

Swearing, biting your parents head off, wagging school, or running away can be a way of getting out your frustration or showing people you’re feeling upset. But try to be patient with each other. It’s not the best time to be pushing people away.

Using drugs, smoking or alcohol

This might seem like a way to block out the hard feelings. But without the lecture, it can actually make the stresses of cancer even harder to deal with. You might also look back with regret one day if you spend the time you have left with your sibling in a bit of a haze. Also, once the “positive” effects of drugs and alcohol have worn off, lots of people feel really down for days afterwards. This can make everything feel a little bit harder.  

Hurting yourself or others

It’s normal to feel p*ssed off when your sibling has cancer. But there are safe ways to vent it without taking it out on yourself or others. If you do hurt yourself, or have before and are worried you may do it again, tell someone you trust because there are lots of strategies that can help. A counsellor or social worker might be a good person to talk to.

Shutting yourself off from people

It’s fine to need some time to yourself. But worries and wonders can grow into big fears if you hibernate away in a hole and refuse to talk to anyone.

Don’t worry, you’re not crazy and you’re not having a nervous breakdown. Be kind to yourself and let yourself make mistakes. No one is perfect in situations like this.

If you need to speak to someone right now, about anything at all, call the Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline on 13 11 14. You can also get help from websites like www.youthbeyondblue.com or www.reachout.com.au.