When you are grieving these feelings can be even stronger.

After someone you love dies it can feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes you just don’t know what to feel. You may also be surprised what sets off certain feelings and also that they keep coming back – just when you thought you may be over it.

• There are so many feelings that can be hard to deal with when your parent dies
• Many of these feelings are normal
• Don’t be afraid of expressing your feelings

Sad

When someone you love dies you may be overwhelmed by feelings of sadness. You may feel like you will never smile or laugh again. It has been described as a heavy feeling deep within you.

Lonely

Apart from the obvious feelings of loneliness because you miss the person who has died, you may also feel isolated because there is no one to share what you are feeling or thinking. You may feel that you are the only person going through this experience. It’s okay to want to be alone at this time.

Angry

It is pretty normal to feel angry. There are lots of people you may be angry at: the person who died, the doctors, the whole world, God, other family members and even yourself.

You may think it is unfair (and yes, it is) and want to know why it has happened to you (and your family). You may then get angry at yourself for feeling that way.

Anger is okay. Finding some safe outlets for it is important.

Frustrated

Because there have been so many changes in your life, everything may feel supremely messed up. Things that you thought would happen may not, or they will not be the same.

Panic

There can be a real sense of panic about all sorts of things when you are grieving. You may panic about your ability to survive and get through it. You might also panic about things that other people think are silly or selfish, like

• will we be able to go on holidays?
• who will teach me to drive?
• will I fail my exams?

Panic is a normal reaction. Everyone does it, even the older people in your life, although they may panic about other things that they think are important.

Scared

This is a bit like panic. Having someone you love die can make you scared about lots of things. You might be scared to be on your own, scared that other people you love will die, or scared about what will happen to you and the rest of your family. It doesn’t matter how old you are, you can still be scared of things.

Relief

If your parent had been sick for a long time and were in a lot of pain you may be relieved that they are no longer going through that. It can be a bit confusing – it doesn’t mean that you are relieved that they are dead, just that they aren’t suffering any more. It’s okay to feel like this.

Guilty

There may be lots of ‘what if’ moments after someone has died. You may have regrets about things you said or did and these feelings can hang around for a long time. It is common to have these, but remember nothing you did said or thought had anything to do with their death. Try to be kind to yourself.

Nothing

Feeling nothing is not unusual. This can be connected to shock and disbelief. Even if you knew they were going to die, it’s still hard to believe it has happened. Sometimes the numbness is a way of protecting yourself.

Remember: There is no right or wrong way to feel.