A funeral is a very personal occasion. There is no ‘right’ way to do it. Your family’s cultural and religious traditions might play a part in how it goes. Your parent may also have given you some ideas about what they would like before they died.

Your family will probably start to plan a funeral within a couple of days after your parent dies. But there’s no rush, it doesn’t have to happen straight away. Most families choose to use a funeral director to help them organise the day. They can help you decide things like:  

• Will it be a burial or cremation?
• When and where will the service be and who will lead it?  
• Who will speak at the service?
• Will there be a viewing?
• What sort of casket or coffin? Who will carry it?
• What personal touches – like music, flowers, photos or booklets - can you add that show your parent’s personality?  
• Will there be a “wake” after the service? This is a gathering that could be anything from a cup of a tea and a biscuit to a raging party.

If you want to be involved in the funeral, make sure you tell your family. You might like to do a special reading, write a letter or poem or just talk about your Mum or Dad and share your memories. You could also help to choose the music or put together some photos.

Many young people find that it helps them to go to their parent’s funeral and share their sadness with their family and friends and celebrate their parent’s life.

But if you don’t want to go to the funeral, there are other ways you can say goodbye. You could plant a tree, tie a message to a balloon and let it go, or visit a special place you used to go to with your parent.

This is one of the biggest and hardest things that will ever happen to you, so don’t feel like you have to be a certain way, or say particular things. Let your feelings come when they come.