It can bring together the family and friends of the person who died and give everyone a chance to share their thoughts and feelings about that person, laugh and cry together and say goodbye.

What is it like?

There is no ‘right’ way to do a funeral. It can look really different for every family. Your family’s cultural or religious traditions and wishes, as well as the wishes of your sibling, can all play a part in how it goes.

Your family will probably start to plan a funeral a few days after your sibling dies. But there’s no rush. It doesn’t have to happen straight away.

Most families choose to use a funeral director to help plan the day. They can help you decide things like:  

• Where will the service be? It can be anywhere – like the beach, a footy field or your garden.  
• Will it be a burial or cremation?
• Will there be a viewing?
• Who will be invited?
• Who will speak? It doesn’t have to be a religious service if that’s not you. You can read letters from your sibling, poems or bits from the books or movies they liked. Don’t be afraid to make people laugh.
• What music will you have? You could make a playlist of your sibling’s favourite songs. Even get a live band or DJ.
• What personal touches can you add to show your sibling’s personality? Cover their grave in cricket balls instead of flowers. Dress them in their ripped jeans if that’s what they would have preferred. There are no rules.
• Will there be a “wake” after the service? This is a gathering that could be anything from a cup of tea and a biscuit to a raging party.  

Tell your family if you would like to be involved in planning the funeral.

Should I go?

You can choose whether to go to the funeral or not. Many young people find that it helps to go, to share your feelings and celebrate a life that was important to you in some way.

It also helps you to acknowledge that they have really and truly died, so that you can eventually start to move forward with your grief. But if you don’t want to, or can’t go, there are other ways you could say goodbye to your sibling. You could plant a tree, or tie a message to a balloon and let it go, or visit a special place you used to go together.

This may be one of the biggest and hardest things that will ever happen to you. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be or feel a certain way.