Here are some examples of questions you might want to ask:

• What type of cancer does my parent have?
• Are there any options for treatment?
• Will my parent get better?
• Have they done everything they can?
• How will my parent be feeling – will there be pain?
• What’s a realistic expectation of how long they will live?*
• What will happen when/if she dies?
• What about money?
• What’s going to happen to me?

*There’s no way to know for sure how long your parent has left. It’s very hard for a doctor to predict how quickly someone’s disease will progress.

When you’re feeling stressed and upset, it can be really hard to take in new information. Here are some tips to make things a bit easier:

• Write your questions down
• Write the answers down
• It’s OK to ask the same questions a thousand times if you don’t get it the first time
• Ask people to use simple words
• Ask where you can get more information

• Don’t be embarrassed. You have a right to ask about anything you’re worried or curious about. You might have heard the saying “there’s no such thing as a stupid question”.

Who can answer my questions?

Parents: Your parents might explain to you what is happening. Some families hold family meetings to keep everyone updated and involved in decisions.

But not all families are good at having conversations like this. There are other places you can go for information.

Doctors and nurses: You could ask your Mum or Dad if you can go with them to their appointments. It can help if you are just there to hear what’s going on. But you are allowed to ask the doctor questions too if you like.

Social workers: You might have the opportunity to see a social worker provided through the hospital, through your GP or the community. They can help you talk through the things you are worried about, show you how to find more information, organise family meetings with the medical team and tell you about community organisations and service that might be able to help you.

School: There may be a school counsellor or school nurse who can answer some of your questions – medical or emotional. The librarian may also be able to help you find information or support in books, magazines, videos or online.

The Internet: The Internet is an amazing place to go for answers. But, as you probably already know, it’s also full of a lot of weird and wrong information. Here are some tips to make your Googling a bit more successful:

• Don’t believe it all. When your parent has cancer you’re open to all sorts of miracle cures and treatments. But it’s a good idea to check any claims made with your parents or their doctor.
• Make sure you’re searching the right stuff. There are over 100 different types of cancer. The likely outcomes are different for every cancer and different for every single person. Google is not a doctor; it can’t tell you how long your parent is going to live.
• Always check the source of the information. Look at who is behind the website and where their info is coming from. A lot of stuff on the internet is out of date, inaccurate or may be just trying to sell you something.
• Use the web as a starting point. You could use the information you look up to start a conversation with your Mum or Dad. You might even be better at searching than they are and come up with some questions they haven’t thought of yet.
• Websites you can trust. There are heaps of recommended websites that provide information about cancer, palliative care and where to get help listed in the back of this book. Unfortunately, there is no person, book or website that can tell you how everything is going to work out. Cancer is different for every single person.