In the later stage of a serious illness, you might feel like your normal life has been stolen from you. You might have to take on a lot more responsibilities and not get to do your usual activities as much.

It’s a normal reaction to resent what is happening and it may take a while to get used to the new situation. Eventually your family will adjust and start to establish new routines and plans for the future.

Things may not go back to exactly the way they were before, but it may begin to feel like a new kind of “normal”.

Some of these things might start to sound familiar:

You have to take on extra responsibilities

• You might have to pick up more chores at home, like cleaning, cooking or looking after younger brothers and sisters.
• You may be expected to help with your parent’s care.
• It’s OK to wish that sometimes you could just go out and do normal fun things. 

Your relationship with your unwell parent changes

• You may find that it becomes difficult to be around your parent as their illness progresses.
• It can be scary to see them become so weak or in pain and you might prefer to stay away.
• There may be changes to their energy levels or behaviour and they may find it harder to interact with you.
• You may feel particularly lonely or sad if they are your only parent.

Your relationship with your other parent changes

• They are probably experiencing a whole range of difficult and confusing emotions.
• They will be worried about your sick parent as well as stressing about you and your siblings, the bills, work and what will happen in the future.
• They might not be around as much and even when they are they may seem tired, distracted and always focused on other things.
• If you are starting to feel really lonely or neglected at home, you could ask if you could spend some time with another relative or family friend once in a while.

Your relationships with siblings change

• If you have brother or sisters, they might be a really important source of support. They are going though this too and may be the only ones who really get how hard it is.
• Everyone in your family will deal with stress and fear in different ways and you may need a lot of patience to prevent you from losing your cool.
• Roles in the family might change. Older siblings might start becoming really bossy and protective, which can be frustrating.
• Younger siblings might look up to you to look after them while your parents are distracted and you might resent having to be the strong one all the time. You may almost feel like you have become the parent.

• If you are having a really hard time dealing with the changes at home, it’s important to talk about it with someone. A counsellor or social worker can give you lots of advice.

Your family is drawn closer

• A crisis can really bring people together and make them realise what is important.
• Many young people appreciate the extra time they spend with their family in the end stages of their parent’s illness and find that relationships became stronger as they take on dying together.
• Every family is different and don’t think you’re doing anything wrong if it doesn’t happen in yours.

You get an army of visitors

• Lots of family and friends might stop by to help with the housework or cook you meals.
• Sometimes you might wish you had your privacy back and more time alone with your parent, particularly if you don’t know the helpers very well. (They may be really important people to your parents, however, even if you don’t know them.)

You miss out on doing your normal things

• Everything might be about looking after your parent and your normal activities might not seem so important any more. Or there just might not be the time.

It might seem like your life has been turned upside down and things will never settle down. But, eventually, it will.

Many families find that maintaining as normal a routine as possible can help everyone deal with the changes that will happen as your parent approaches end of life.

This is obviously a really, really hard time for everyone, so try to work together and remember that it’s normal to stuff up sometimes. Everyone will be doing their best in a very difficult situation.