• Sometimes cancer cannot be cured

• This is a very difficult thing to deal with

• Every situation is different

If your parent's cancer is terminal (cannot be cured), active treatment and testing will be stopped and your mum or dad will be given medicines for pain and to relieve symptoms like nausea and vomiting.

These medicines are aimed at making your parent as comfortable as possible.

This stage is called palliative care or palliative treatment.

Dealing with emotions

• During this time you and your family will have to face a lot of new challenges.

• Some of the feelings you had when you first found out about their cancer may come back.

• There are also going to be a whole bunch of new feelings and they could be a lot stronger than before.

• You might even feel despair – an emotion that you’ve perhaps never felt before. It is a feeling of hopelessness, like you are completely lost and useless. This is a really tough one to cope with.

• Sometimes your parent might not want to talk to you about what is happening. This can be really hard to deal with as you might feel excluded.

• Sometimes parents try to hide things to help you cope, but it may be better if you ask them to be as honest and as truthful as possible.

Feeling alone and angry

• A lot of how you deal with this time might depend on how those around you are dealing with it.

• You might feel completely alone at times, really angry with the world, your parent, the doctor, the nurse or some random walking down the street – because they look healthy and it feels really unfair.

Yep – it feels like that because it is.

• But don’t let that stop you from spending time with your parent, having fun, laughing, crying and sharing your thoughts and feelings with them.

Remember: There is no right or wrong way to feel or act when your parent is dying.

What happens when...

• And at this stage you will start to wonder, “What happens when…”

• And there will be millions of “What happens when…” questions for you, your mum and dad and other family members. But most of all, you are going to wonder “What happens when I don’t have the person with me to love, and be loved by, anymore?”.

• This is when a group like CanTeen (where you can connect with other young people who have faced the same crappy outcome), or a professional counsellor or psychologist could be of most use.

• “What happens when…” is a really scary moment for everyone. You will need some help for yourself. You will need to have space and time. Asking for these things can be hard – not asking can be even harder.

• Get support, take care of yourself, and be aware of danger signs if it’s all getting too much. And remember to be easy on yourself.