What is loss?

• Loss is something that changes your world forever. 

• It could be something tangible that you no longer have, like family holidays, but it can also be something intangible that you felt, like your sense of security.

• Grief is how you react and eventually adjust to the loss.

You can feel grief for the loss of:

• Time

You can never get back all that time you spent away from your regular life. It might feel like there are certain things you should have been doing, and now the chance has passed.

• Experiences

You might have missed out on things that have already happened, like your year 12 formal. Or you might miss out on things that are going to happen in the future, like starting uni together with your friends.

• Relationships

Your social networks are probably not the same. You might feel less close to some people that you did before. Sometimes you can recover the closeness. Sometimes you won't be able to. Your relationships with your family members, and the way they relate to each other, has probably also changed. It could be for the better, but sometimes it's for the worse.

• Self Esteem

This is a common effect of being affected by cancer in your family. Some people might treat you differently, or you just feel different and less sure of yourself.

• Innocence

Cancer is probably one of, if not the worst thing you have experienced in your life. You may have felt fear, loss and despair for the first time. Your outlook on the world has probably changed.

• Independence

You could be unable to do things you used to do because your family situation has changed, you have more responsibility, or there are limits to what's possible for your parent or sibling. It could mean you can't travel or leave the house for long periods. It could also be the loss of a job or financial independence.

• Dreams

We all have dreams for our future. It doesn't mean they will happen, but no longer having them or needing to adjust them, is still a sad and difficult thing to handle.

• Identity

Your role in the family, or your circle of friends, or your romantic relationship may have changed. Perhaps you were the joker, or the strong one. It can take time to figure out a new identity; and while you're working on it you might feel lost and purposeless.

• Routines

Although we often think of routines being boring, there is a comfort to them because they give our lives structure. Your family and personal routines will have changed – from study and work, sports and hobbies, to fighting with your siblings. It's surprising how much you can miss normal, mundane things.

Can I get it back?

• There will never be a complete substitute for the things you have lost. The best thing you can do is acknowledge that they're gone, and allow yourself to grieve for them.

• Eventually you can take comfort in other things. For instance, you may have missed out on starting uni with all your mates and that's something you'll never get back.

• But if you start uni later on, you can maybe feel happy that you managed to achieved that goal against the odds and you got there in the end.