Look back over their life...

If your Mum or Dad feels up to it, you could sit down and talk about their favourite memories and look back over their life. Even if they don’t, you might be able to get answers and stories from other people in your family or community.

Don’t worry that you’ll say the wrong thing or that you’ll both get emotional. Ask them about anything and everything you want to know. No question is too simple.  

…and forward over yours

A lot of young people say that trying to imagine life without your Mum or Dad is by far the hardest part of this experience. It will be heartbreaking to think of all the things they will miss out on and you wish they could be there for – your graduation, your wedding, having kids.

At moments like this in the future, you may wonder what your parent would think about this and what they would say about that. You will not be able to predict all of the conversations you might ever want to have with them, but many young people like to spend this time now hearing their thoughts and dreams for you and the future.

Ideas to get the ball rolling…

• Where were you born?
• Tell me a story from when you were little.
• What did you want to be when you grew up?
• What were you like as a teenager?
• What was your first job? 
• Where did you meet my Mum/Dad?
• Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend?
• Tell me about when I was a baby. 
• What is your favourite memory? 
• What did you think I’d be when I grew up? 
• What do you hope for the future? 
• What is your favourite colour? 
• What is your favourite movie? 
• What is your favourite place? 
• What is your favourite song? 
• What is your favourite food? 
• What is your favourite quote? 
• What is your most important achievement? 

Collecting memories

When your parent dies, the memories you have of them will probably become really precious. Even the smallest knick knacks and silliest stories can take on huge sentimental value and become special keepsakes that you will treasure forever.

If you have the opportunity now, you might be able to start collecting things that will help to remind you of them in the future. This might be something you can do together.

Here are some ideas:  

• Create a photo album or slide show. You could write a paragraph next to each one about what your parent remembers about that photo.
• Make a CD of songs that your parent likes or that remind you of them.
• Make a scrapbook.
• Make a memory box. You could put things in there that are special to your parent or remind you of them - like photos, tickets, cards, clothes, toys or jewellery.
• Write a journal. You could write down all the things you are feeling now. It might help you to maintain a connection in the future.
• Take photos. You can never have enough. You may not want to take photos of your parent if they are looking really sick. You could take photos of what the house looks like now, how your parent decorates the house at Christmas, what their room was like. There might be big changes in your home and one day you might really want to remember.
• Create a video or voice recording. You could ask them to tell stories about their life, or retell memories you have together.
• Make a physical record. Draw around their hand, make a handprint in plaster, record how tall they are, cut off a lock of hair.
• Write a song or poem about your parent, or how you are feeling.
• Create a family tree. Record what they know about your family history.
• Collect their smell. The sense of smell can be really powerful in bringing back memories. Ask your parent what perfume, aftershave or soap they use.

Everyone approaches the end of life differently. Don’t worry if your parent doesn’t feel like preparing things like this with you before they die. It doesn’t mean they don’t care. You can still prepare memories on your own later, if you like. If you don’t want to that’s OK too. There will be lots of ways to remember your Mum or Dad.