New partners

• This may cause you all sorts of conflicting emotions and challenges. While you understand their right to do this in your head, in your heart it might be a whole different story.

• As you have probably already figured out, everyone deals with their grief differently and everyone’s relationship with the person who has died is different.

• Your parents’ relationship between with each other was very different to their relationship with you. So your parent will learn to live with their grief very differently to you.

Remember: just because your mum or dad has a new partner doesn’t mean that they have forgotten the other person or stopped loving them.

When is it okay?

• You may have your own ideas on how long your parent should wait until they start having a new relationship. (Lots of other people will have opinions too). If your idea about this doesn’t match your mum or dad’s then it can cause a lot of conflict.

• At the risk of being really repetitive, open communication is the key here. You need to be honest with your parent, and also sensitive to the fact that they are going through their own process (even if it doesn't seem like it to you). If possible, talk to them at a time when you are not upset or angry with them.  This gives you a better chance of being able to tell them how you are feeling.

• But be prepared for the fact that your mum or dad may listen and hear what you have to say but still make decisions that you aren’t happy with.

Remember: You have a right to your own feelings – you just can’t make others feel the same way.

Your reaction

There may be a fear that this new person in your parent’s life will:

• Try and take the place of your parent who has died.

• Take your parent’s attention away from you – you may not feel ready to share them with someone else.

• Hurt your mum or dad.

• Move in and change things in your home.

You may feel that if you accept a new partner you are somehow being disloyal to your parent who has died.

Remember: You can maintain your connection to them no matter what anyone else does.

Getting used to it

Even if you are okay with them finding a new partner, seeing your mum or dad dating could be really weird.

• It’s a reminder that your life has changed and that things will never go back to the way they were.

• You may be protective of your parent and want to check out whoever they are spending time with.

• Instead of them asking you where you are going, with whom and when you’ll be home, you may find yourself asking them.

Blended Families

• A new partner in your parent’s life may also mean that other children come as part of the package. For some of you this might not be a big deal (you might even like it) but for others it might be really tough to manage.

• So much depends on how it is negotiated, whether you feel like you’ve been included in the decisions, how much time has passed since your parent died, and how much it changes your situation.

• A blended family is a constant reminder that life will never be the same again.

Getting used to it

• If you are unhappy about it, unfortunately there is no quick fix for the situation. While it would be great if everyone got on well and learnt to like (or even love) each other, sometimes respecting each other and being civil may be the best that you can aim for.

• There can be some positives to being part of a blended family, it just takes some time to appreciate them – especially while you’re busy coping with all the other emotional stuff that the death of a parent causes.