This type of care and support is called “palliative care”.

What type of support does palliative care provide?

Each palliative care team is different. But usually it is a team of professionals who work together to improve your sibling’s quality of life and help your family to cope. It might include some or all of these things:  

• Nursing or medical care - to control symptoms and side effects of cancer, like pain and nausea.
• Counsellors and social workers – to help your sibling and family make the right decisions and cope with the stress.
• Loan of equipment – like special beds and chairs.
• Therapists skilled in music, massage, aromatherapy or colour.
• Dietary advice – about what your sibling can eat when most food tastes like mud and cardboard.
• Spiritual support and pastoral care from different cultural and religious backgrounds.
• Volunteers to help your family look after your sibling.

How do we know if it’s time to consider palliative care?

Your sibling’s treatment team will probably recommend if it is time to consider palliative care.

It might be your sibling’s own decision to stop treatment. Often the patient knows before anyone else that they are not getting better and have had enough of treatment and side effects for thirty lifetimes. Far from giving up, this might just mean they want to have the energy to do things that are important to them while they still can.

But it looks like they are getting better…?

Sometimes when people stop cancer treatments and start palliative care, they start to look better than they have for a while. Their hair starts to grow back, they get some colour back in their cheeks and they may even have more energy. This can be confusing.

Cancer treatments are powerful and have some pretty nasty side effects. When they are stopped, the body starts to recuperate. But unfortunately, the cancer will still be there.

Is palliative care just for people who are about to die?

If your sibling is referred to palliative care it does not necessarily mean that they are about to die, although end-of-life planning is part of palliative care. A lot of people avoid palliative care as long as they can because they are afraid it means they have given up hope. But the palliative care team is there to make things easier for your family. It can really help to meet them sooner rather than later, to get to know each other and hear about all the ways they might be able to help.

It’s not a one-way door. If your sibling’s illness stabilises or improves, palliative services can be stopped.

Is palliative care like euthanasia?

No. Euthanasia is assisting the death of someone who would prefer to die. This is illegal in Australia. Palliative care is about helping your sibling have the most comfortable and pain-free life they can.

If I have questions, who can I ask?

The palliative care team is there to help you too. Ask anything you like; there is no question too small or silly to ask. Lots of siblings want to ask questions like, “What should I expect?” Or “What should I say if they ask if they are dying?”

End-of-life planning – Final wishes

We all know that eventually we are going to die, but who wants to think about it before you really have to? Like lots of families, your family might avoid talking about your sibling’s death, thinking that if you accept it it will somehow happen sooner.

But if your family can have a conversation about end-of life while your sibling is still alive, it can give you an opportunity to share and discuss your hopes and wishes for what will happen when the time comes. If you get a chance, you could discuss things like:  

Making an “advance care plan” to tell the hospital team what kind of treatments are or are not wanted, no matter what happens. This will include things like whether or not they want to go on life support if it comes to that.

• Where would they like to die if they have a choice?
• Who would they like to be there, or not be there?
• Would they like to donate organs if they can?
• Do they have a will? A will tells people what your sibling wants to happen to their things when they die. They could think about who’s going to get their bike or the PlayStation, or who’s going to look after the dog now.
• Would they like to be buried or cremated?
• Do they have any ideas for their funeral? Maybe they don’t want flowers placed on their grave, but a bowl of Twisties? Anything goes.

It can help to start talking about these things sooner rather than later if you can. Write the decisions down and make sure everyone gets given a copy to be sure they get followed when the time comes. Things that are written can be changed at any time if necessary.