But when someone dies you may find that even your closest friends have no idea what to say or do. They might even avoid you as they don’t know if they can do the ‘right’ thing.

You might wish that they were better at being there for you.

Remember: You may have acted the same way before you had this experience.

What are they thinking?

Some of the things your friends may be thinking include:

• What am I supposed to say or do?
• How do I be a friend to someone whose mum or dad has died?
• How long are they going to be like this?

As ridiculous as it sounds, you may have to help your friends deal with what is happening to you. You will have to make the first move and let them know:

• You are able to talk about your situation.
• How they can help and be there for you.
• When you need to be alone for a while.

Things to remember about friends

Below are a few things that you might want to think about concerning your friends.

Friends don’t know what to say

• Talking about death is not easy for anyone.
• It makes people uncomfortable so you may find that your friends will just say nothing.  It’s not because they don’t care, but more that they just don’t know what to say.
• They may be scared that if they mention your mum or dad that you will get upset.
• If you want to talk you may have to start the ball rolling.

Friends won’t say things to deliberately upset you

• Sometimes your friends will say things that really annoy you or make you angry. This can be really frustrating and you might overreact.
• Keep in mind they aren’t doing it on purpose; it’s just that they don’t understand.
• Think about how much you understood before this happened.

Your friends have their own lives

• It may seem that your friends are just getting on with their lives without you and you feel a little left out.
• Remember that they have their own lives too and they aren’t facing the same stuff as you are.
• They may not understand that you can’t ‘just get over it’ and even if it feels like a long time for them since your parent died, it isn’t for you.
• Because you often grieve in private, your friends may forget that you are actually grieving.

Friends may change

• You may connect with other young people who have experienced the death of a parent. It may be easier to talk to them about what is happening because they understand. Lots of young people say that this is often the best support.
• You may also lose some friends along the way. Some people find it too hard – and you may also decide that they are just not worth the hassle. Having supportive people in your life is important when you are grieving, if you have to, let the unsupportive people go.

Your parent’s friends

If your mum or dad has died, then their friends may not know how to act or what to say. For some families having these friends stay in touch is a way to maintain a connection to the person who has died.

You might not have the energy to deal with them but remember they will be dealing with their own grief associated with the death of a friend.