You may act differently because of your sibling's cancer, and your friends might find this difficult to deal with. We know that for many of you this one is a biggie. You might wish your friends were better at being there for you.

Remember: You may have acted the same way as your friends are acting before you had this experience.

Your friends may be thinking

• What am I supposed to say or do?
• How can I be a friend to someone whose brother or sister has cancer?
• Should I still share things that are bothering me? They seem trivial compared to what my friend is going through.

As unfair as it may seem, you may have to help your friends to deal with what is happening for you. They might need help in getting over their fears. Often you will have to make the first move and to let your friends know that you are able to talk about your situation.

Friends don’t know what to say

Your friends may be scared to say the wrong thing or to ask you a question. Often they will just say nothing. It’s not because they don’t care, but more that they just don’t know what to say. If you want to talk you may have to start the ball rolling.

Friends won’t say things to deliberately upset you

• Sometimes your friends will say stuff that really annoys you and makes you angry. This can be really hard.
• Keep in mind they didn’t try to piss you off on purpose. They just don’t understand.
• It’s okay to let them know. You can start with “You know, that really bothers me when…”.

Friends may ask tough questions (or even questions that seem a bit silly)

• Be prepared for questions that may seem strange – remember all the things that you didn’t know before all this started.
• Sometimes you may not want to answer questions about your sibling's cancer.
• Just let your friends know that you don't feel like talking right now.

Your friends have their own lives

• It may seem that your friends are just getting on with their lives without you and you feel left out. Try to remember that they have their own lives too and they aren’t facing the same situation as you are.
• Unfortunately, the world doesn’t stop just because your brother or sister has cancer.
• Try to stay in touch and let your friends know that you still want to be part of what’s going on even if you can’t always go out and do things.

Friends may change

• It’s amazing how common experiences can lead to friendships. You may connect with other young people who are going through the same thing. It may be easier to talk to them about what is happening for you because they understand. Lots of young people say that this is often the best support.
• You may also lose some friends along the way.
• Some people find it too hard and you may also decide that they are just not worth the hassle. You may even have to deal with friends bullying you or excluding you.
• Having positive people in your life is important at this time.
• CanTeen and other support networks can help you to connect with other young people in the same boat.