Whether your parents live together, are separated or you only have one parent, your relationship with them will more than likely go through some major changes.

All of us have the 'normal' parent/child hassles and conflicts. Cancer can make these even tougher to deal with.

There is also a big chance you will develop a better relationship with your mum or dad and come to appreciate things that you may not have been aware of before.

But don't expect things to change overnight.

Your parent might change

Seeing your parent sick, in pain and maybe not even looking like they used to is really hard. It can make you feel guilty if you get angry with them or want to do things that they don't agree with.

There may also be a lot of focus on your parent who is unwell and you may feel left out of their lives.

Things like birthdays, special dates or school/uni events may get forgotten. It doesn't mean they don't love you, just that they are dealing with a heap of stuff right now.

It is really important to talk

It is really importance to talk about things and not bottle them up. That can be easier said than done. 

Learning how to do this can be a huge help.

Your parents may also worry that you have no-one to talk to and may want to organise for you to meet with a social worker, psychologist or counsellor.

Let them know if you are talking to people and if you do feel like you have some support – it will help them worry less.

How to talk to your parents

• It may help to think about what you want to ask and what you want to say before you start.
• It may be really hard to start with and there may be lots of silent moments. That's okay.
• Try not to freak out if you or your parent gets upset. Keep going, or try again later.
• Talking can be easier if you are doing something else at the same time - driving in the car, cooking in the kitchen.
• Try not to worry about it too much - this whole thing is strange and scary and it may take time to work out the best way to talk to each other.

Sometimes talking is too hard but you still want your mum or dad to know how you are feeling. You could:

• Write it down
• Find cards that say what you are feeling
• Send an SMS
• Find quotes that you find inspiring and share them with your mum or dad
• Find songs that express how you feel

When you want to know more

If it is information that you need, then you can do some research yourself or speak to the doctors, nurses or social workers.

However 'patient confidentiality' means your parent's doctors can't tell you stuff about their treatment or prognosis (what the outcome may be) without your mum or dad's permission.

You can ask your parents to give the doctor permission to give you information.

If your mum and dad has told the doctor that they don't want you to know some things then the doctor has to obey those wishes.

For some parents not telling the whole story is a way of protecting you. Closing the gap between what your parents want you to know and what you want to know can take some negotiation.