Every family is different and things like whether you live with both parents or only one, how many brothers and sisters you have and the ages that you are will effect what happens.

What your parents are feeling

Your parents are dealing with a whole lot of stuff including:

• dealing with their own emotions associated with the cancer diagnosis 
• worrying about you and the rest of the family
• the medical bills and whether they will be able to get time off work to look after you (and your siblings)
• trying to protect your from bad news and harsh realities
• trying to hide their feelings
• trying to keep it all together – this can put them under enormous pressure.

Parents are used to being able to protect their kids and fix things for them. A cancer diagnosis can make them feel helpless as they can’t fix it or make it go away.

Making your own decisions

While you will play a large part in making your own medical decisions, parents sometimes feel like they have more experience in making big decisions, or they know what's best for you. They might want to act on your behalf.

However, it is important for you to maintain independence. A lot of control has been taken away from you now that you have cancer, and it's important that whenever possible, you feel like you are making your own decisions and keeping some control of your life.

Open and honest communication with your parents is important, so that they understand that although they want to protect you and do what's best for you, what you really need is to be included in the decision making process.

Talking tips

• It may help to think about what you want to ask and what you want to say before you start.
• It may be really hard to start with and there may be lots of silent moments. That's okay.
• Try not to freak out if you or your parent gets upset. Keep going, or try again later.
• Talking can be easier if you are doing something else at the same time - driving in the car, cooking in the kitchen.
• Try not to worry about it too much - this whole thing is strange and scary and it may take time to work out the best way to talk to each other.