Every family is different and things like whether you live with both parents or only one, how many brothers and sisters you have and the ages that you are will effect what happens.

Parents

Your parents are dealing with a whole lot of stuff including:

• dealing with their own emotions associated with the cancer diagnosis 
• worrying about you and the rest of the family
• the medical bills and whether they will be able to get time off work to look after your brother or sister
• trying to protect your from bad news and harsh realities
• trying to hide their feelings
• trying to keep it all together – this can put them under enormous pressure.

Parents are used to being able to protect their kids and fix things for them. A cancer diagnosis can make them feel helpless as they can’t fix it or make it go away.

Your parent's attention

Maybe it seems like they are only interested in your brother or sister who has cancer and have forgotten about you.

If you are used to sharing lots of things in your life with your parents, it may feel like you are being shut out by them now.

Remember: They are not shutting you out on purpose. Even when your parents are around, their heads could be somewhere else.

Your parent's moods

Your parents maybe tired, stressed and cranky for a lot of the time. This can be really frustrating and you may get angry with them.

Stress can do really weird things to people and your parents may not act like you are used to. This can have a big impact on your relationships.

You may also feel like they are not treating you equally any more and that your brother or sister is getting way too much attention, and getting away with things that you can’t.

In addition, they may ask you to take on more responsibility than you have had before like extra work around the house or looking after younger siblings. This might make you really angry at your parents.

Missing them

Your parent or parents will need to spend a lot of time at the hospital. Not having them around will be hard. This may be doubly hard if you live with only one parent or are closer to the parent who is away a lot.

Just because this is the way that it has to be now doesn’t mean you have to like it, and no, that doesn’t make you spoilt or selfish. Just normal.

Talking to your parents

• There is no right or wrong way to do it.
• Let your parents know that you want to know what is going on.
• Your parents might not want to talk about your brother or sister’s cancer because they don’t want to worry you, find it too hard to talk about it themselves and think that they are protecting you.
• Maybe they don’t have all the information themselves. Let them know that you would like them to share the information once they have it - good or bad.
• It can be difficult to talk about the situation if there is a big gap between what you want to talk about and what everyone else wants to talk about.

It may be easier for you to talk to someone else in your family or even someone outside the family. Think of people who you trust and feel comfortable with.

Talking tips

• It may help to think about what you want to ask and what you want to say before you start.
• It may be really hard to start with and there may be lots of silent moments. That's okay.
• Try not to freak out if you or your parent gets upset. Keep going, or try again later.
• Talking can be easier if you are doing something else at the same time - driving in the car, cooking in the kitchen.
• Try not to worry about it too much - this whole thing is strange and scary and it may take time to work out the best way to talk to each other.

For my parent- when your sibling has cancer

Below is a tear off tip you can download and print to give to your parent when your brother or sister has cancer, to let them know you need their support.