Heaps of young people say that talking things out can be a big relief. It can help to put things into perspective and sort things out in your head. It can also help you feel less alone.

Your first step in getting support is admitting that you need it. The second step is finding the right person.

The right support person will be easy to talk to. They will listen and not judge or make you feel ashamed for anything you are feeling.

So where do you find someone like that? It can feel like there are people all around you, but no one who really gets it.

Family

Everyone in your family is going through this too. If you don’t feel you can talk to your sick parent, you may be able to turn to your other parent or your brothers or sisters. Your aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins can also offer great support.

They are probably sharing many of your fears and you can make decisions together.

Other people

You might be lucky and have some great friends who know how to provide you the support you need. But if they’re not great at being there for you, you might be able to turn to a teacher at school and let them know what’s bothering you.

Community and religious leaders, like priests, pastors, rabbis, imams or elders are also experienced in supporting people and offering advice.

Your local doctor

Doctors don’t only treat physical problems, but can also help in offering you support. They might have also known your family for a while and understand what’s happening for you. If you are over 14, you don’t need your parent’s permission to see a doctor.

Palliative care team

If your parent is receiving palliative care, the team is there to provide emotional and practical support for the family and carers, too. Don’t be afraid to talk to them about anything that is bothering you.

They will be very happy to answer any questions you have about all kinds of stuff, not just medical questions.

Counsellor or Social Worker

These are professionals who have been trained to give emotional and practical support to people who are going through tough times.

They can help you find solutions to problems and find ways to cope with the different parts of your life. They can also help your family to make decisions together if you are not so great at communicating right now.

You can ask them about anything that you are worried or wondering about and they will keep it confidential.

Lots of counsellors and social workers have particular experience working with families living through cancer, so they will really understand what you’re going through. If you prefer, you can often talk to counsellors on the phone or by email, too.

How do you find a counsellor?

• There may be a counsellor at school or uni you can go to.
• Ask your local doctor to organise one for you.
• Your parent’s hospital might offer counselling services to family members. Ask the nurses or palliative care team about this. 
• Look up “Community Health Services” or “Family Counselling” in the Yellow Pages to find a service near you.
• The Australian organisation, CanTeen runs a free counselling service for young people aged 12-14 who have a parent who has cancer, or has died from cancer. Email support@canteen.org.au or call 1800 CANTEEN for more information.
• The Cancer Council Helpline can also provide support and information. Call 13 1120.

Usually you need to make an appointment to see a counsellor. If you need to talk to someone right now, you can call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline on 13 11 14.

It might take you a couple of tries to find the right counsellor for you. If you don’t feel comfortable with your counsellor, or if you feel that they are not listening to you, try a different one. You will eventually find someone that you click with.

Support groups

There are organisations that bring together people with similar experiences so you can talk about things with people who really, truly understand – or just take some time to chill out and have fun.

Sometimes you talk about cancer in these groups and share stories and tips for coping with each other and with professionals. Other times you just hang out and make new friends with people who get what you’re going through.

CanTeen is one organisation that offers support to people who have a parent living with cancer, or who has died from cancer. There are other organisations listed in the back of this book.

Your church or local community might have other youth groups that you can join.

Online support

There are lots of online forums, blogs and support groups that can bring together people in similar situations. It can be really helpful to read other people’s real-life stories and realise that you are not alone in what you are feeling. It can also make things easier to open up when you can be anonymous.

The website www.nowwhat.org.au brings together young people in Australia who have a family member with cancer, or have cancer themselves. You can read heaps of real stories, join forums and access information written specifically for people like you.