• Here’s some info that will help you out. But before we get started, a community service announcement:

Remember - They're still the same old friend you've always known!!!

• You’re probably wondering what you can say to help them feel better, or at least not make them feel worse. Unfortunately there is no clear-cut answer. 

• There’s no ‘right thing’ to say or do. Each individual experiences cancer in a different way. 

• You may not feel like you have the right skills to be able to help them, but your willingness to be there for them is the most important thing.

Tips for Talking to Your Friend with Cancer

• First of all you actually have to make a decision to do it! For some of you this will be easy for others not so easy. Put aside all your fears because you know what, it’s not going to be as bad as you think.

You may or may not feel awkward at first, if you do, it won’t last long.

• Try to understand at least a little about the cancer that your friend has and the treatments they are/will be receiving.

Check out the information section to find out more about cancer types and treatments.

• ­ There’s no use ignoring it. The first time you talk to your friend after you’ve found out about their cancer, you’re going to have to talk about cancer (at least for a little bit).

• They might not yet be ready to talk about it in depth, but you need to acknowledge it and show them that you’re here to support them.

• Follow your friend’s lead. If they want to talk to you about cancer, talk about it. If they want to talk about other things and have a bit of a laugh, then join in!

• Sometimes, you won’t even have to talk, you can just listen. Being there for your friend can sometimes simply mean listening. You don’t need the answers.

• You don’t need wise words that will make everything better. Listen to what they have to say, like really listen! Letting them have that release of emotions could be just the thing they need. 

• Some conversations with your friend are going to be heavier than you’re used to; some are going to be exactly the same as they used to be. 

Your conversations may be accompanied by tears, laughter, yelling (not at each other, just yelling), and hugs. It’s all healthy!

Things to Say  

• “I care about you and I’m here for you”.

• “Do you want to talk about anything in particular?”. Give them the chance to set the terms of the conversation. If they don’t want to talk, don’t push them.

• “Call me whenever you need to talk”.

Things not to Say 

• “I know/understand exactly how you feel”. Unless you’ve had cancer you probably don’t.

• “You need to talk”.

• “Don’t worry; I’m sure you’ll be fine”.

• “I know what you should do…..”

• “How long have you got left?”

• “I knew someone else with cancer and they….”. Everyone’s cancer is different, respect that and try not to compare their cancer with someone else’s, it can simply be misleading.

Cancer messing with your friends life?

Cancer messing with your friends life is a postcard for friends of young people living with cancer. It includes practical tips about what you can do to support your friend and stay connected through their cancer experience.

Download your free copy of the postcard at the bottom of this page.