• Your friend’s family member having cancer will have a massive effect on your friend and their family as a whole.

• It’s likely that they might not have as much time to do all the things they used to do, but remember they’re still the same friend you’ve always had!

• There are things your friend may experience or feel that you may not have experienced before. Being aware of these things will help you to better support your friend as they go through them.

Also, being aware of the things your friend’s family member might be going through will show your friend that you really care.

Learn at least a little bit about the type of cancer and treatments their parent might get and the short and long-term effects they might cause.

Things Your Friend Might Experience

Emotional Issues

The impact of the diagnosis of your friend’s family member will have a heavy emotional impact on your friend. Your friend will probably experience a whole range of emotions; some of them might be very new to them.

Some things they might feel are sadness, anger, anxiety, scared, shock/disbelief. Your support for your friend will have to endure through many of these emotions. It may be hard for you at times, but your support will mean a lot to your friend.

Feelings of Loss

There are things that will change for your friend that may cause them to grieve for things they have lost. Things they may feel a sense of loss for include:

• Time                                                                                                                                                                          Your friend will spend time away from doing ‘normal’ things like school and spending time with friends. That can make them feel like they’ve missed out on something.

• Experiences                                                                               There are certain things in life that only happen once, e.g. graduation ceremonies, formals, start of university.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

• Relationships                                                                                                                                                                        Your friend might be worried about changes in their friendships and other relationships. They may feel their relationships are suffering because they are busy with other things.

Try to reassure your friend that your friendship is still strong. Continue to invite them to things even if they have to say no a lot.

• Self-esteem                                                                                                                                                                   People might start to treat your friend different or they might just start feeling different and less sure of themselves.

• Innocence                                                                                                                                                                        Cancer can change anyone’s outlook on life. Your friend may feel they’ve had to grow up quicker than they wanted.

• Independence                                                                                                                                                                      Your friend might feel like they can no longer do things they used to. This might be due to more responsibility around the house, e.g. looking after siblings and/or cooking and cleaning.

• Dreams                                                                                                                                                                                Your friend might be worried that their family member’s cancer might affect their dreams for the future.

• Identity                                                                                                                                                                               Your friend’s role in their family and all other parts of their life might have changed. This can leave them feeling lost and purposeless.

• Routines                                                                                                                                                                         Routines give your life structure and this can bring comfort. Cancer can throw a lot of routines out the window, e.g. homework, family dinners, sports. This can be very unsettling.