Being a good friend

You may want to be able to make it easier for them and wonder how to do that. Unfortunately there is no clear-cut answer, there’s no ‘right thing’ to say or do.

Each individual experiences cancer in a different way. You may not feel like you have the right skills to be able to help them, but your willingness to be there for them is the most important thing.

Tips for visiting

If you have a close friend with cancer, chances are they are going to be spending at least a little bit of time in hospital, but potentially they could be spending a lot of time in hospital. Hospitals aren’t the most pleasant places to visit, but think about what it must be like to have to stay in one!

There are a few things you can do to make the most of your visit to your friend and hopefully help them out.

• Check ahead – send your friend a text or give them a call and make sure the time you plan on visiting is okay for them. If you can’t get hold of your friend give their parents a try.
• Try to understand a little about what your friend is going through before you visit. Have a look around the Information section to find out a bit about their cancer. It will help you prepare for seeing them in hospital; clear up some questions you may have and show them you care.
• Listen – this is one of the best ways to show your friend you care. Let them talk to you about whatever they feel like. You don’t have to be pushy and force them to talk, but let them know you are prepared to listen if they need it. They may not even want to talk about cancer, but if they do, be open to it, there may be things they need to get off their chest. You don’t need to have all the answers, you don’t need to provide wise insights – just listen.
• Let them guide you and allow them to feel how they want to feel. If they are sad and angry, let them be that way. If they want to have some fun and a bit of a laugh, join in. They will go through their ups and downs and that’s okay.
• Also be aware that with cancer and cancer treatments comes side effects. Your friend might be really tired or feel ill, so if they cut your visit short don’t be offended. They probably just need to sleep or don’t feel up to having visitors.
• Bring along something nice, just a little something to show you’ve been thinking of them, like:
  
  • their favourite food
  • some of their favourite music or movies
  • a book or magazine they might like
  • a card filled with messages from all of their other friends
• Keep in touch – you don’t have to be sitting next to them in hospital to show them you’re thinking of them and you care. Find out the best way to keep in touch (e.g. text messages, phone calls, emails, letters/cards) and do so regularly.