This isn’t always the case.

There are so many ways to express grief. Some of them can include:

• Crying
• Wanting to be alone, not wanting to talk to anyone
• Talking a lot
• Being silent
• Laughing
• Wanting to party
• Needing to do lots of physical activities
• Sleeping a lot
• Listening to the same song
• Not wanting to change anything in the house
• Wanting to move away from where you live
• Throwing things out
• Sleeping with something that belongs to, or reminds you of the person who has died
• Talking to the person who has died
• Calling their mobile phone so you can hear their voice
• Doing activities that remind you of them

What's normal?

There is no such thing as a ‘normal’ way to grieve. Just as no two people laugh the same way, no two people grieve in exactly the same way. It may sound lame, but it’s true.

• Everyone in your family will do it a bit differently, even though you are grieving for the same person.
• The relationship that each of you had with the person who has died is unique.
• Your mum or dad loved your brother or sister differently than you did.
• Your relationship with your parent who has died is not the same as that between your parents.

In most cases we grieve the same way we live. What do we mean by that?

Well, if you are someone who tackles problems head on and just gets on with it then you will probably grieve in the same way.  On the other hand, if you tend to keep things to yourself, then you will cope with your grief that way.

Remember: There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

What can I expect?

It doesn’t follow a pattern and it isn’t predictable. There is no checklist for grief.  It’s not like you get to 3 months and go “Okay, I've grieved. Time to move on.”

You may be completely shocked by:

• how overwhelming it is
• how long it lasts
• that it can comes in waves

There may be times when you feel on top of it and then it can all come crashing down. It is surprising what can trigger one of those crashes. It’s also surprising how long after the death they can still happen.

• Sometimes you can prepare for it, like a birthday, anniversary or graduation.
• Sometimes it may be completely random, like hearing a song, smelling something or seeing someone who reminds you of them.

It may also surprise you that the death of someone you love isn’t something that you get over (even though other people might think you should). It will always be part of your life; you just learn to live with it.

A word about crying

If you don’t cry it doesn’t mean that you aren’t grieving or that you aren’t affected by the death of your parent or sibling. Crying is just one part of grief.

Crying in public can freak you (and other people) out. There is a fear that:

• you may look weak
• others won’t know what to do
• if you start you won’t be able to stop (you will)

If you can and want to, find a private, safe place to cry. This might be on your own or it could be with someone you trust. Crying is a great release. The chemicals that are released in your body when you cry can make you feel less stressed.

You might be surprised at how much better you feel after a good cry – especially if it’s not something you usually do.

Remember: Crying is just one way to express your grief.