Simply put, loss is what happens and grief is how we feel about it.

Everyone is different, and it’s OK to handle things your own way.

Loss

Is sometimes described as that point in time after which everything is different.

For many people, the first time this happens is when you are told about cancer. But it can also happen at other times along the cancer journey. Some losses will really knock you about while others might not have such a big impact.

Losses you may feel as a result of you or someone you love having cancer:

• Feeling like you’ve lost someone even if they’re still there, because you can’t do the same things together or they’re in hospital a lot
• Losing contact with friends because you can’t go out as much or you don’t feel like doing the same things.
• Your school work isn’t up to the standard you’re used to.
• Your parents can’t work so there’s a change in your financial situation.
• Feeling that you’ve had to grow up very quickly.
• A planned holiday was cancelled because of cancer treatment.
• Important events like birthdays or sporting matches get missed, forgotten or not celebrated the same way.
• Your brother or sister is just not the same after their cancer treatment.

Grief

Naturally, people show grief in many different ways. Some feel extreme sadness and cry a lot. Others feel out of control and furious. Some people say they have a hard time sleeping and eating, while others experience exactly the opposite and want to sleep and eat all the time.

Behavioural changes you may notice in yourself if you are experiencing grief:

• Wanting to sleep lots or not being able to sleep.
• Dreams or nightmares.
• Eating heaps or not wanting to eat much.
• Headaches.
• Crying lots.
• Avoiding places or activities that remind you of what you have lost.

It’s hard to imagine now, but try to remember that you won’t always feel this bad. It may be a cliché but it’s true; time does (eventually) heal all wounds, and after a while the intense feelings will decrease.

Putting a lid on it and hoping it will go away isn’t always the best way to deal with it.

When you have a miserable moment, try to remember something special that you’ve learned from your family member, or the good times you’ve shared with them.