• When it happens to you as a young person it truly sucks.

• It will mess with your head, your heart, and every part of your life. It will hurt so much that at times you may even wonder if you will survive.

• As hard as it may be to believe – you will survive and you will make it through to the other side. It’s true that the other side will not look like you want it to look, but you will learn to live with your grief.

The first few weeks

The first few weeks are a pretty scary space to be in.

• your sense of security and stability is gone

• you may not know what’s going to happen next

• you may feel angry at your parent for abandoning you

• this time may pass in a complete blur

• you may not remember much of what happens in this time

• you will be dealing with both practical and emotional stuff

If you knew your parent was going to die then you may have had a chance to do some planning. Perhaps you put in place a few things that will make it less uncertain for you.

This is helpful but it won’t make the pain any less or make it any easier.

More changes

A change in your circumstances can add to the already huge list of challenges you now have to face. At times it can all seem too much.

If there are also other big changes in your life, like moving house, having to live with other people or changing schools/uni’s, this can mean that there are more losses that you will have to deal with.

Having a parent die will certainly make you different to most of your friends. And being different is probably the last thing you want to be at this time.

You are not my mum/dad

Your sense of loss may be different depending on which parent has died. What you shared and what you got from each parent is different. Getting used to not sharing those things will take time.

Other people might try to step in and take on that role such as

• Your other parent

• Other family members

• Family friends

You may not want them take on that role. You might also feel anger or resentment towards them for trying to replace your parent.

This frustration is okay and a normal part of adjusting to this massive change. It is important to learn positive and safe ways to deal with these feelings.

For my parent - when your parent has died

Below is a tear off tip you can download and print to give to your parent when your parent has died, to let them know that you know it’s hard for them and you appreciate their support.