This date coincidently happen to be my brother’s birthday. A day, which was meant to be spent with celebration and happiness, was far from it. The whole family was in shock and disbelief.

"As I was so young, I never really quite understood what cancer was.."

I’d heard of it before but I never thought it would ever affect me, I didn’t understand what this news meant for my mum and the great change our family would experience in the months following mums diagnosis. I remember when mum had been diagnosed, I was incredibly scared and confused, and the thought of losing my mum was unbearable.

I remember for weeks mum had at first seemed fine, she had even seemed healthy, although this façade began to disappear when the doctors found spots of cancer in mum liver, which indicated that mum’s cancer was more aggressive then presumed and spreading. Mum begun to have treatment, going through bouts of radiation and chemotherapy.

It was during mum’s treatment I think I begun to realise how sick mum was. She lost her health, her energy, her figure, and her hair. I slowly begun to see my mum deteriorating as the cancer took over her body and health, although she still remained strong and positive.

"It was extremely hard when mum was sick"

as for months on end I told myself she would get better, due to my mums positivity and strength.  I had always pushed the idea of losing mum out of my mind and told myself she would get better. I convinced myself that she would fight the cancer. This belief was reinforced by my mum’s strength. Doctors would tell us one thing, and there my mum was, still fighting, going against odds.

The wall that I had begun to build up begun to crash down when mum was very sick and the doctors said she had only two weeks to live unless she had operation. At that moment I didn’t know what to do, or how to act.  I remember the day my mum had the operation. I was sitting at school nervously waiting to hear how it had all gone.

"To my relief the operation was successful"

my Mum had kept on fighting, so I began to believe everything was going to be ok again.

Mum got really sick again a couple of months later as the cancer in her liver and bowel had gotten bigger. The doctors told us that mum would only have three days to live unless she had a major operation which the doctors would cut out most of the cancer in her bowel. As much as I wanted to believe this operation would have been like the last, it was a lot more dangerous and the earlier operation seemed minor compared to it. I think this time was really tough on us all. Mum was in intense care and it all began to really sink in.

While mum was in there she got a really bad blood clot in her arm and leg, which was really dangerous. I can remember her wanting to talk to us both but she couldn’t because of the breathing tube she was hooked up to. It was one of the most horrible moments when mum was sick.

"Once again Mum fought it off"

and was allowed to be released from intensive care. Although she had still been very sick. Mum decided that she wanted to go to the hospice.

I didn’t know what a hospice was at first and when I found out it was really real and I understood how hard and strong my mum had fought.  I begun to relise how tired my mum was, and understood as much as I loved her she was extremely ill, and that going to the hospice was the right choice for her. Mum being in the hospice also meant that she stopped having treatment.

"While mum had been in the hospice, she had found a new goal for herself."

Her goal was to be home for Christmas. It didn’t surprise me when mum was aloud to come home and spend Christmas with us; it was one of the best feelings knowing we’d be able to spend Christmas all together. After Christmas my mum, dad, sister and I went on a holiday.

Knowingly going on a holiday and that mum was able to come home for Christmas everything seemed to be getting better once again, but this time I knew the cancer was still there, and that I couldn’t anticipate what could’ve happened. While we were away my mum had several fits, I remember the first one happened while we were on our way in the car to our holiday destination.  It was then my mum seemed sicker then ever, and she was emitted back into hospital.

When in hospital mum went into a coma, and my dad had told me the reality of what was happening, and that even though my mum had fought, she had somewhere else to be. On the 31st of January mums battle ended.

"After mum had past away many people perceived me to be strong"

and coping with mums death, although behind what everyone saw I was the opposite.

My sister then introduced me to CanTeen. Since I first joined it has given me so much. It has provided me with support, and given me countless memories. I have gained friendships with the most amazing people all because of CanTeen.

It is because of CanTeen I’m able to write my story.