It’s a difficult situation to describe. It weighs down your heart and overwhelms you with a flood of emotions, but I found I couldn’t cry. As a family we tried to stay positive and just tackle the obstacles as we were faced with them.

"Living in a rural area, there was a lot of travel involved to get to doctors."

Dad was sent to have radiation treatment in Sydney, 3 hours from where I live, everyday for 12 weeks. It was easier for him to simply stay down in Sydney for the majority of that time. During Dad's treatment we had another obstacle thrown at us. Sitting in my car one night, Mum told me she had been diagnosed with cancer too. I felt choked. There’s never a good time for cancer to show up in anyone’s family, but this seemed really unfair. As much as I tried not to think about it, the worst case scenario always ended up in my head and I constantly thought -

"what if I lose both my parents?"

Being in my second term of year 12, I had assessments coming out my ears, but I found I just lost all motivation. Sitting, typing, working, didn’t seem to matter to me and my marks began to reflect that. 

I didn’t tell many people about what was happening, but Mum thought she needed to tell the school. I was against the idea at first, but it ended up being the best thing she could have done. There are things in place to help when situations affect you beyond your control. Teachers at school looked into these for me and helped me fill out the necessary paperwork associated with the HSC. I also found I could confide in one particular teacher. It didn’t feel I was burdening so much, in talking to someone who was older.

"There was never a time"

when my friends acted as though they didn’t want to hear what was going on, but everyone has problems which affect them, especially at 18 with school pressures and relationships, and I wanted to be spoken to about their issues too. I didn’t want them to avoid that because they thought it wasn’t a big deal by comparison, I didn’t want them to compare, so I didn’t speak to them about things in-depth or at length in regards to what was going on at home.

Honestly, I really didn’t like the idea of going to CanTeen. My initial thoughts were that I’d go from living in a house with 2 people with cancer to being surrounded by more and that it would just be sad to hear about a lot of situations similar to mine. I am elated to have learned that I was so, so wrong! CanTeen turned out to be a magical place where cancer and experiences could be brought up in conversation over dinner and move onto school and other aspects of life without a second thought. The greatest thing I took from my first camp which is what made the biggest difference in my life, is that

"I’m allowed to be happy"

I’m allowed to be sad and reflective, affected by what is going on, but I don’t have to stay like that. If I wake up sad, I can be happy by lunch and that’s not a weird thing. I didn’t see it that way before. I didn’t feel like I could act happy when my parents were going through what they were going through. I didn’t feel like I should be allowed to go out and have a good time while Dad was away and having treatment or Mum was at home recovering… I did at CanTeen though, and it was OK. I was allowed.

Changing my mind frame from there allowed me to return to school and life with a completely different outlook. Cancer didn’t have to run my life. It was there and it was a big part, but it didn’t have to be on my mind continually.

I formed an amazing friendship with another member from CanTeen, where distance didn’t matter, because we had email. It was daily emails which became habit, which got me out of bed on mornings where I didn’t want to otherwise. The support of my teacher, where the door was always open for a chat and the classes were always something I looked forward to, has inspired a friendship outside the confines of school. I am blessed to have had these people to support me at times when I was at my lowest

"Friendship and support"

bring positivity to life and allow you to hold on and see the bright side and the optimistic possibilities to all situations. They bring certainty in an uncertain journey.