Little did I know all of that would start to seem so insignificant.

My brother and I walked to and from school because mum and dad both worked long hours at our bakery. We got home one day and saw mum sitting on the couch. It was really weird because she’s usually at work until after dinner time. Don’t get me wrong, we were really happy to see her, but the only thing I could think was that there was news, and it was either going to be really good… or really bad. Mum sat us down and started to explain that she had been to the doctor that day and that they had found something; that something was cancer.
 
In her monthly self examination, mum had found a lump and had gone to the doctor to get it checked. They confirmed that it was breast cancer and started making plans for mum to have it cut out. At this stage, still being quite young I thought ‘oh cool the doctors know what it is and they’re going to make it all better’. So mum went into hospital and got a mastectomy. When she came home with only one boob I got a bit freaked out. She showed us the scar and explained to us why they had to cut it all out and what the Lymph Nodes were and that

"she was fine now"

Then one day I was about to leave to walk to school when we heard a thud from mum and dad’s room. Mum was having a fit in the shower. I called the ambulance and dad looked after mum. Then dad told me to go to school like usual. I couldn’t concentrate all day, I mean it’s hard enough for an 11 year old to concentrate without wondering what happened to your mum after the ambulance took her. My brother and I ran home that afternoon and found mum sitting there looking fine. “I’m ok” she said “I’ve got epilepsy, sorry for scaring you this morning.”

So life went on, my brother and I kept doing swimming training and I had just finished primary school. Mum always went back for regular check ups but she assured us that it was just a technicality. As usual my brother and I caught the train back from school and then the bus to our house. We got to the door and heard mum crying. We stepped inside and just stared at her. She looked at us and started bawling; dad walked into the room and said those three words that made my heart sink, “It’s come back”. The words had barely left his lips and we were already on the couch with mum crying. I didn’t know exactly what it meant but I knew if mum was this upset it had to be bad.

"After more visits to the doctor"

and countless days of leftovers and takeaway for dinner, mum and dad were both home and they were ready to sit down and tell us what was going on. The first thing mum said was, “it’ll be ok; I’m a fighter”. So she was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, this means it had spread from the little lump in her breast to her bones. The next couple of months were a blur of blood tests and scans and oncology appointments. Mum was given a few options for treatment; this is one of the things I’m not too sure about. I know she did some radiology and had tablets to take but she kept everything treatment-related very close to the chest. I think she was afraid of freaking us out.

After joining a support group she had begun to change her thinking. I had always seen my mum as a publicly shy person but she was always full of life at home. With the help of the ladies in her group, her confidence in herself grew and her personality started to shine everywhere and soon everyone knew what a beautiful person she was, not just our family. This also led her to think about what help my brother and I needed. We joined a group that met up once a month for games or movies called ‘Seize the Day’. We were going to go on the week-long camp for our school holidays but we didn’t get our paperwork in on time and couldn’t go. So mum, being the woman that she was, decided she’d find something else. Little did she know how beneficial this amazing organisation called CanTeen would be.

"In the support group mum talked to the ladies about treatment"

and how they were dealing with their cancer and she decided that she didn’t want to do chemotherapy. When I asked her about this once she said it was because she had seen too many of her friends go downhill and not get back up again. So she tried an alternative therapy that involved cutting out everything artificial. This means that her diet included – organic fruit and vegetables, organic rolled oats and water. No bread, no pasta, no cheese, no sweets and no processed foods (takeaway etc). This natural diet seemed to be working for a while but because there was so much preparation and time needed to make the juices etc. it never left any time for a social life. After being on the alternative therapy and having occasional blood transfusions and radiation for about a year, the doctors started to see an improvement. This was very good news; however mum didn’t seem as happy as we thought she would be.

By this time I was just starting grade 11 and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Mum had stopped working at the shop and dad was taking over most of the paperwork, which made him tired and very stressed out. So when mum came to him and said that her Dragon Boat Racing Team “Misabittatiti” had the opportunity to go to China to compete in the championships dad jumped at the chance of a 3 week holiday. So they started to organise it. My brother and I were to stay home and look after the house, and go to school of course. Mum and dad sent us letters updating us on their trip and telling us to be good. (Of course we were being good, what on earth could two teenagers get up to?) When mum and dad finally got home we were SO excited! I was just about to turn 16 and my brother was about to go off to schoolies. They brought home plenty of souvenirs.

A couple of weeks after they got back mum was having a lot of trouble sleeping, she was in a lot of pain and I could hear her moaning through the walls but once the panadol kicked in she’d fall asleep. One night it was really bad and dad took mum to the hospital, she had broken three ribs while she was over in China Dragon boat Racing but had still won a 3rd place medal. We went in to see her the next day and she seemed ok now she had some medication. However the next day when we went in everything was different. The doctors had done some test and decided to move mum to the palliative care unit. I thought it was just annoying that they kept moving her, and then

"I found out what palliative meant"

Mum’s cancer had progressed so far that the doctors couldn’t do anything else except make her comfortable. I was just starting my Year 11 exams and my brother had gone off to the Gold Coast for schoolies week. I went to the hospital everyday after my exams and just hung out with mum. I had realised much too late how little time I had left with her. All I could think while we sat in that hospital room was that for the last two years I had been a horrible abusive teenager that hadn’t appreciated all the time and effort she had put into looking after me. When the doctor told us she was going downhill, dad called our family in Geelong and my grandparents came up to look after my brother and I while dad was in hospital or at work. Mum’s room was the most colourful room in the whole hospital! We stuck pictures from their trip to china all over the walls, she had her pink feather boa hanging off her drip and her dragon boat racing T-shirt was hanging proudly on the wall. By this stage my grandparents had decided it was best that we stay with them at the apartment they had hired.

Finally the doctors said they were going to have to put her in a drug induced coma, just to stop her feeling too much pain. Mum spoke to all of us separately. She wanted to make sure we knew how she felt while she could still express it in a way we understood. When I walked into the room for what I knew would be the last real thing my mum said to me I cried silently. No sobbing or sniffles, just tears running slowly down my cheeks. She let me know how proud she was of me and that no matter what she would always love me. She told me to look after my brother and dad and to make sure they didn’t lose hope. I promised her I would do my best, and gave her the biggest hug I could.

A few days later, December 2nd at 12:30 at night we got a call from dad telling us to get to the hospital straight away. We ran in and woke up Nana and Pa and told them we had to go straight away. They drove us straight there but by the time we got there, she was gone. Dad, Aunty Carol and Mum’s bestie Yvonne were there and looked at us as we ran into the room.

"Everything went numb as soon as I stepped in the room"

It was like I couldn’t move or breathe anymore. I just couldn’t believe it had actually happened. Mum was the strongest person I knew and I couldn’t understand that she wouldn’t be there anymore. I reached out to hold her hand but it didn’t feel warm and safe like it used to. I crouched down in the corner of the room and put my head on my knees.

The drive home is a blur but it seemed to go on forever. When we got home I went straight to mum and dad’s room and put my face in her pillow. I didn’t want to think about it, so I just lay there and drew in her scent, knowing that eventually it would fade away.

We had her funeral on the 7th of December – exactly a month after my 16th birthday. As was expected, mum had already written out what she wanted at her funeral – the crazy songs, the dragon boaters parading and of course everyone wearing pink. The only thing I remember from that day was ‘My Favourite Things’ from the sound of music playing at the end and that night when we played card games with Uncle Nigel. He was wearing mum’s pink feather boa and pink bob cut wig and doing impersonations of mum telling dad off. After a LOT of games of shithead, we finally fell asleep. To be honest

"I know I will never really stop having those ‘bad days’"

where I just want to lie in bed and cry. But those days are what make me who I am and I know that wherever she is my mum is proud of me for who I am and that is what drives me to become an even better person. She was the kind of person who accepted everyone, no matter what they looked like, or what their background was and she always knew how to put a smile on your face. She expected the best of herself and got the best out of everyone she met. If there were more people like her in the world, it would be a better place, as I am a better person having known her.